{"id":165,"date":"2020-04-20T22:41:25","date_gmt":"2020-04-21T02:41:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/conservativeshots.com\/?p=165"},"modified":"2020-04-28T17:56:59","modified_gmt":"2020-04-28T21:56:59","slug":"g-team-goes-film-noir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/conservativeshots.com\/index.php\/2020\/04\/20\/g-team-goes-film-noir\/","title":{"rendered":"The G-Team"},"content":{"rendered":"

(The G-Team: Goes Film Noir)<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

Film Noir Style… \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

Film noir is a style of American filmmaking from the 1940s\u2019 and 50\u2019s characterized by detective protagonists, seedy settings, shadowy lighting, and a fatalistic tone.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Some of it was good, real good…Think Sam Spade and The Maltese Falcon<\/span>, think shadowed scenes and Double Indemnity.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade in The Maltese Falcon<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

But, this recount isn\u2019t one of the those great stories. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

This is the other<\/b><\/span> kind of Film Noir…\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The kind of gritty tale told only by D-movie writers or maybe burnt-out Twilight Zone devotees.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The kind of shady saga narrated by a street-worn detective, who makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time and maybe punch him a few times. \u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a story where the thugs are bad and the writing is worse, where guys are guys and gals are gals and the confused have no place, a story that is dark and seedy and reeks of the blackness of a name, like Noir, which means, black.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a story for our time and that time is now or whenever you read it.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Icons of Film Noir: Fedora, gun, smokes<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

As you read this story, it works best if you just embrace your inner 1940\u2019s cheap-novel detective and haul out your best Sam Spade voice.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Because this is a story we all gotta hear at some time in our lives…\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>The story of good and evil,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

the story of nice and naughty,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

the story of upright and bad,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

the story of write and writing gone so wrong. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

So, don your Sam Spade fedora and flip up the collar of your trench coat…<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

> Oh, yeah, and turn your Sound: On (low) and follow the prompts for music cues and also scope out the reference guide at the end, if you need it to decipher the gumshoe and almost-pop culture lingo.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Because, yeah, this is the story about…<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The G-Team…<\/b><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Fighting music crime from aloft and a loft, <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

for America, <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

because someone had to do it <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

and they were the ones to\u00a0 <\/span>step in it.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n

[Press \/\\\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/b> …<\/em>Sound on Low<\/i><\/b>]<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Under the guise of being the St. Gertrude Catholic Church Contemporary Music Ensemble…\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

…six seemingly innocuous individuals, posing as church musicians, join for what appears to be rehearsals and service music at a quiet Midwestern church on Sunday evenings.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, in reality, the team of six is a famous law enforcement and investigation team, cracking cases nationwide, nabbing the most dangerous and diabolical criminals known to man, and they do it all to stop the insidious and sinister horror of music crimes<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

This team, The G-Team<\/strong>, is the Midwest base for a wide web of music crime intelligence and law enforcement teams.<\/span><\/p>\n

They work as a single stellar crime-fighting unit, but join forces with national teams and the CIA to take down major music crime rings when needed.<\/span><\/p>\n

To understand how lethal this team is, one must know the individuals, the clever and almost musically talented teammates, who comprise the most famous music crime-fighting team in the nation…<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\nhttp:\/\/conservativeshots.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/42-James-Bond-Theme-feat.-Jan-Utbult-\u00d6vningstempo.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n

Press \/\\ <\/i><\/b> \u2026<\/i><\/b>Sound on <\/i><\/b>LOW<\/i><\/b>, Select & Press icon for Intro Music\u2026and <\/i><\/b>READ<\/i><\/b>\u2026<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

The team–\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

Lulu Voluptchuz:\u00a0<\/span><\/b> <\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

When you meet Lulu, you think you\u2019ve merely met a style icon and queen of accessorizing and you wouldn\u2019t be completely wrong. But, many made the mistake of thinking that was all this doll was. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Lulu Voluptchuz<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Yeah, Lulu was more than that, far more…more than just a dressy bird, more than just the kind of dame you saw on the front cover of a D-rated romance novel.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Lulu was tough, like steel, like flint, like the resilience of a gel manicure with the glitter. And, behind those business-like glasses was a calculating mind, the kind that had a barefaced man figured out before he even speaks and a gaze that made a weak thug unable to speak without the aid of a stiff drink.\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s how good she was.<\/span><\/p>\n

Posing as the church ensemble’s soprano, Lulu handled Logistics and Acquisitions for the team.<\/span><\/p>\n

And, when you are the Logistics and Acquisitions Agent<\/span> for a music crime-fighting team, Lulu had the kind of smarts and toughness that worked.\u00a0 <\/span>But, if her intellect wasn\u2019t enough…<\/em>well, let\u2019s just say she has lived up to her last name. When her glasses came off, she let her hair down and it was clear she was all woman.\u00a0 <\/span>And, yeah, she was as easy on the eyes as she was with her virtue…<\/span><\/p>\n

Acquisitions could be made easier with those kind of eyes and hair and legs that didn\u2019t quit, unless she stopped walking.\u00a0 <\/span>She could get the team anything they needed, no matter how rare an item was or how dangerous it was to acquire.\u00a0 <\/span>The team\u2019s Lulu was really quite the lulu, but that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Precious Migh:<\/b>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Don\u2019t let that pretty face or those straight stocking seams on her getaway sticks – or her name fool you. Precious may pose as a sweet, innocent-looking musician for the church ensemble, but then that\u2019s her cover. Precious is as Precious does and this writer means those precious words.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Precious Migh<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By the time Precious had heard, \u201cWell, aren\u2019t you precious?\u201d for the 1 millionth time, she was hardened, tough even, well-honed, but she was sharp, too. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

She had the kind of savvy that made her wise to the ways of the world and keen to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>language, both spoken and unspoken.\u00a0 <\/span>Yeah, she was a kitten who could read body language like she could dig into an easy-read novel and her brilliance allowed her to understand any language that bore a resemblance to an ethnic restaurant take-out menu. She could turn a phrase and she could turn a word and she could turn a language with the speed of a portly figure skater executing an axel.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span>That\u2019s how good she was.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

For the team, she is the Communications Specialist<\/span> and her undercover disguise as the church ensemble flautist included her style of firearm, her flute. \u00a0 <\/span>But, the flute, in her hands, is more than music …<\/em>it is a weapon. Her flute serves as the vehicle for sending-receiving coded messages to their team, the CIA and to the nationwide music crime agency. When they needed to get word to each other or to the national web of music crime-fighting teams anywhere, at any time, at any moment, in any situation, from any location and in any language, you could count on all that is Precious.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

For Precious, her years of enduring the kind of bad puns and jokes that come with a name, like Precious, gave her that edge that made her right for the team, made her wise to any mode of communicating and probably prepared her for what would come when her name was listed –alphabetically –by last name –after the movie, The Lord of The Rings, was released. But, that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>James-pause-James Cahn:<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

You want to think that his name has a typo, but you\u2019d be wrong.\u00a0 <\/span>You see, James-pause-James had a lifelong ambition to follow in the footsteps of his idol, a 007 agent, who was always notoriously introduced as …James…………..James Bond.\u00a0 <\/span>He figured having that intro built into his name would help grease the skids toward his ultimate goal.<\/span><\/p>\n

His team role is the group Front Man, a Master of Disguise and Stealth Agent<\/span>. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You could think of him as the James Bond of church music ensembles, if you weren\u2019t too particular and had really low standards. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0James-pause-James Cahn<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

He posed as the church ensemble guitarist, but inside that iconic guitar case was an array of his kind of weapons: disguises, smokes, tuxedos, bean-shooters and also a cheap guitar he played, played when he felt like it, and played with increasing speed if it suited him. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But, that\u2019s who he was, a lone wolf, a maverick, a guy unconcerned with the mundane worries of any tempo.\u00a0 <\/span>James\u2014James thrilled for the adventure, thrived on the danger, longed for risks, and lived for jeopardy and other prime time shows, and he survived by the seat of his wit.\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s how good he was.<\/span><\/p>\n

The team sometimes called him, Face, because he was clever with a disguise and had the kind of face that could make undiscerning women melt and dupable men believe anything he said. \u00a0 <\/span>He was a sleuth who could bump gums with the best of them, quick with his charming wit, with a wink and with his laugh, a loud bass laugh that rumbled floors and made children stare.<\/span><\/p>\n

James\u2014James was renowned as the best inside man in the world.\u00a0 <\/span>If it was info you wanted and you needed the dirt fast, James\u2014James was just the guy to get dirty. \u00a0 <\/span>He was also known for not leaving a cheap shot untaken, which says all one needs to know about his handgun skills.\u00a0 <\/span>He also liked shiny things, but that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

C. Mathias Strange:<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

The C. Is for Caspar, but his pale skin had led to unfortunate jokes in his early years, so he switched to using his middle name. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 C. Mathias Strange<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

And, he had a reputation. Sure, some of his reputation had to do with his sense of humor, because he made the kind of jokes wise guys are prone to make, the kind that made you want to sock him and also his parents just for birthing him, the kind that made your ears smack you for listening, the kind that made you envision his demise if the team didn\u2019t almost like him. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, some of his rep\u00a0 <\/span>had to do with his ability to snag any older, wealthy broad he wanted, as long as she was at least partially deaf.\u00a0 <\/span>But, the world of Intel knew of him more for his wizardry with all things technical and analytical. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He posed as the bass guitarist for the ensemble, but that well-polished bass wasn\u2019t just a bass. Inside that shiny exterior was a network of computer magic, dinguses and team devices that would make the NCIS set designer drool. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He was the team\u2019s Math Analyst\/Technical Specialist<\/span>…<\/span><\/p>\n

…and he could crack, hack and attack data better than the rest. They would have called him, The Cracker, but decided against that and so they called him, Math, short for Mathias, but also for one of his best weapons…<\/em>yeah, math.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And he was called \u201cMath\u201d for good reason.\u00a0 <\/span>He had skills, mad skills, the kind of skills that could crack encryptions from any cereal box, the kind of skills envied by every kid with a decoder ring, the kind that made him a menace to every evil music crime ring in the nation. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, Math, that\u2019s how good he is. So good, that on some capers, they called him, Captain Math or even Major Math, and fittingly he had been a math major. Sometimes, ladies also called him General Math.\u00a0 <\/span>They\u2019d all had General Math.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>But, that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Peaches LaBoomBoom:\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Peaches…<\/em>yeah, Peaches. Peaches poses as the \u201cEntertainment Coordinator\u201d for a chain of low budget retirement communities by day and church back-up vocalist on Sundays. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Peaches LaBoomBoom<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Don\u2019t let the retirement community title fool you.\u00a0 <\/span>At a low budget retirement community, the entertainment coordinator isn\u2019t some mere traveling dame with a karaoke machine.\u00a0 <\/span>She was the chain’s stripper act and just the kind of doll you wanted in a place where the audience is oblivious and doesn\u2019t see so well. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, she was that level of good. To the rest of the world, Peaches looks harmless and like everyone\u2019s nana.\u00a0 <\/span>But, while this Grammie might look as though she could only bake cookies \u2014 and she does, Peaches is renowned for the ability to talk down the most vile criminals, mediate any hostage situation, strike advantageous deals with any perp, and make any bad guy regret capturing her with just her jaw-flapping alone. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And, those cookies of hers…<\/em>yeah, they\u2019re lethal. We\u2019re talking deadly, like toxic, like noxious, like really unhealthy.\u00a0 <\/span>Sure, she could make good cookies and she did for the team, but when she wanted to use those cookies to fight crime, she could bake off any thug.\u00a0 <\/span>All she and the team needed to do was remember which of her cookie jars had the good cookies and which one had the lethal ones, because Peaches is the kind of dame, who can\u2019t always keep her cookie jars straight. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019d be right if you guessed Peaches is the team’s Negotiator and Assassin<\/span>, because that\u2019s how it is.<\/span><\/p>\n

Peaches…<\/em>Yeah, that\u2019s the name she uses. \u00a0 <\/span>Sure, that is her stripper stage name, but she stuck with it, because that\u2019s the kind of persistence she was known for, the kind of grit that gets the job done, the kind of tenacity that made you think of Velcro, the kind of doggedness that comes to mind when you look at her.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her given name was- Magnolia Ezielay, which also might have made her stripper stage name seem like the better idea, but that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/p>\n

And their leader…<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Sythe A. Bossman (The Boss)<\/span>:\u00a0<\/span><\/b> \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Sythe (pronounced “Sith”, short i)…<\/em><\/span>with a name like that, you knew he was strong. You could feel it and you could see it and you could smell it after Taco Tuesday. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sythe may pose as a mild-mannered music teacher at a parochial school by day and the director of the seemingly innocent-looking contemporary ensemble on Sundays, but, don\u2019t let the rugged Boy Scout looks and dull expression fool you. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sythe is the sly and cunning Team Leader and Weapons Specialist<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sythe…<\/em>Yeah, Sythe…<\/em>This was the kind of guy who didn\u2019t need a hero\u2019s cape, he was the kind of ace that defined tough and defied danger, the kind of champ who could be a drum major at an all-boy school and not only survive it unscathed, but also date women.\u00a0 <\/span>Yeah, that\u2019s how good he was.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Sythe A. Bossman<\/strong><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

No one had to\u00a0 <\/span>tell you how tough he was, because everyone just knew it as soon as they met him. And, yeah, Chuck Norris calls him and Sythe puts him on hold. <\/span><\/p>\n

This was the kind of guy who could outwit any pea-brain criminal. And, that was just the kind of man you wanted for a crack team of this kind. Shrewd, capable, dangerous and an uncanny ability to develop the involved plots necessary to nab the type of dark perps in the seamy underbelly of the music crime world. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Besides being the team\u2019s brilliant leader, plotting the team\u2019s tactical and intelligence maneuvers, Sythe is also their weapons mastermind. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

That keyboard he sorta plays…<\/em>yeah, not just a purveyor of organic and melodic sounds. Behind the array of buttons, levers and gizmos lie the most lethal and adaptable components that morph into a veritable arsenal of weaponry. With the flick of a few switches, assuming some grade school musical hadn\u2019t jammed anything vital, Sythe can arm his entire team with cutting edge weapons. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And, that\u2019s the other reason, his team calls him, The Boss.<\/span><\/p>\n

And, in case you wonder about the A.\u00a0 <\/span>in his name, his middle name is an old family name, Allus, but he won\u2019t use it. A tough guy, like him, has the kind of swag that means\u00a0 <\/span>he won\u2019t be called Sythe Allus, but that\u2019s another story…<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This time their caper tells of a case when The G-Team was on their own and it was serious crime, but a seemingly small operation, a criminal genius perpetrating music crimes across the nation.<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

That\u2019s where this story begins…\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n